Los Angeles Downtown Chick

Oh geez. I don't care it's the douchette brand Juicy. I just know it's runway quality. Too excited now. Oh my goodness. Look at the professor elbow. With my nerdy eyeglasses, skinny flare dark jeans and stilettos, I'm ready to rock.

Really, really upset in grad school these days. Doing everything I can to make myself happy elsewhere.

Know what this is? It's a purse fob you hang on a FOB's Juicy purse.

Sorry, this blog is written truly for the purpose of exploring the limit of stupidity against Einstein's hypothesis. I'm very fucking pissed off by my seemingly smart and intellectual but actually stupid cohorts I study with everyday in grad school. I need a place to show how stupid I can be too.

I used to buy discount menswear on ebay to doll up my metrosexual boyfriend. But he never wears it. I hate him doing that. He turned non-metrosexual after he had started sleeping with me a few years ago. I need a male mannequin. I wish I could just buy a man who runs around like a schnauzer puppy from the pet shop.

You know you are an intellectual if what's in your bathroom's reading material pile are not magazines or catalogs but your field's most important organization journals featuring the latest research, publications and whatnot. Yes, okay, I read them when I do that. I don't have time to read them at any other times. Throw stones at me.

Any benefits to be an intellectual and to make less than $1,400 a month (before tax!) just so you can work with the less-than-1% smartest population in the world everyday? Missing my days to be able to afford a $400 jacket like this.

I think I'm a "closet drag," meaning people don't know I play different roles in my clothes. The source of these performances is exactly my closet: I have Lolita clothes, 1960s clothes, 1970s clothes, 1980s clothes, band t-shirts, bandage everything, slutty cleavage-showing tops, cut-out Gaga dresses and boring career woman clothes. My true personality is mostly the smoky-eyes black motorcycle bomber chick type but I haven't shown that for a long time. My problem is, I can only wear the boring things everyday now. When I wore 5" platform heels on a day of no class, the cohorts who saw me on campus already ask what was going on. They are the California types. I miss Asia or New York, where people actually wear clothes but not essentially uniforms to work.

Any idea how many fucking things the 1st and 2nd year Ph.D. students have to do? Coursework, conference, publications, quals, endless writing and re-writing of your own stuff until you hate it so much that you don't want to look at it again, ever.

This is what my task list looks like:

Paper #1: lots of rewriting and more research
Paper #2: less rewriting
Paper #3: lots of editions
Presentation #1: cutting 8 pages from an existing paper
Abstract #1: have not started
Abstract #2: have not started
Abstract #3: have not started
Abstract #4: have not started
Abstract #5: have not started
Abstract #6: have not started
Abstract #7: have not started
Abstract #8: have not started
Abstract #9: have not started
...

I'm so under the gun that I just want to eat ten bags of peanuts or twenty cream puffs. OMFG. Maybe I'm in the wrong business.

I don't appreciate you push me to tell you what I thought about your seminar in our meeting. There's something called eval. Take a look. Let me tell you now. Your course sucks. You are a waste of my time. You are a hack. Plain and simple. If you don't know the stuff, don't teach it. I hope I never ever see you again for the rest of my intellectual life. Oh, and you are not attractive. Don't tell me about your wife. No one wants to know.

Okay, yeah, I was upset in 2011.

If you go onto some Internet forums local Asian people frequent in their own languages, you will see a lot of men bashing Asian women who go/have gone out with non-Asian men. They say these women are sluts because the common belief is that Asian men have the smallest genitals among men of all races. They hate these women because they think their pussies are/have been "stretched" by over-sized penes like old shoes worn by people with big feet. Seriously, I'm not kidding. That's the logic. The chance for women who have dated/married to non-Asian men before to be considered undamaged and respectful by local Asian men is next to impossible. Don't ask me why. This is way beyond "women are like objects" because usually, objects are nondisposable. This is more like "women are like toilet paper." By definition, you can't reuse a piece of toilet paper, right? That's the way toilet paper works, right? You shit, wipe and dump and flush. Even my mom thinks like that.

And I have divorced a white man in my 20s.

Have you ever worked with some fat or ugly blonde women who would tell you that they are going to work really hard on certain things so that people know they can do them even though they are blonde? I believe these women's "ambition" is related to the common "dumb blonde" stereotype, right? What these women don't get is that the myth itself originated from the Marlene Dietrich (The Blue Angel) and Marilyn Monroe (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes) heterosexist racist mainstream German/Hollywood narrative cinema tradition. The myth only refers to the hot blonde women, not all blonde women. If these women are non-hot, really, they don't have to worry about the stereotype as people will not cast the "pretty but dumb" doubt on them. They will just be blonde and unattractive, i.e., with equal opportunities as anyone else's. It's a good thing, if these ugly blondes are really sincere about their wish to succeed solely with their talent, right? Well, let's see. Next time, when you hear a non-hot blonde saying she just wants to do a good job although she's blonde, tell her my theory. See if she appreciates your reassurance or you get a slap in the face. Ahem.

But now I think about it, I can still reasonably call these fat and ugly blonde chicks literally "dumb blondes" although they are not in the the "old dumb blonde" category. They, ironically, do not understand the old category and become a "new dumb blonde" category themselves by unknowingly mis-quoting a cinematic tradition, right? Voila!

I can't believe I have just written this. Please forgive me. It is just very stressful to be near stupid people.

This is the end of the world. My waist, after 2 quarters of stress, has expanded to an unrecognizable size. I can't deal with this. I haven't done this before for as long as I can remember.

This is absurd but I had a really awesome dream. I didn't know if I saw three people on TV or in person. There are a man and a woman fucking each other while standing up. There's another woman lying in bed right next to the woman getting busy. The busy woman then took a raw egg out, used a giant salon style professional hair clip to crack the egg open and poured its content into the lying woman's mouth. The woman in bed swallowed some of the egg white and yolk but spitted some out. I could see it very clearly. Okay, so I think it has to be a cinematic dream because it's not physically possible I could see her mouth so clearly if I looked from a distance.

I'm doing too much study on film and sleeping too little.

I cannot believe another interracial couple is moving into this building. We already have many Asian women living with white and black men here. Now, here's another couple! Being in our elevator makes me feel like I'm in the West Hollywood store of CB2's. Maybe we should bake some little zucchini ginger muffins and shit, and bring them over? Put a welcoming announcement on Citizen LA and leave a $20 Nickel gift certification as present like what small town people do? Dude, I hate you all, the hipsters and world citizens. You homogenize my Downtown by thinking you are all so different. Well, not quite.

Does anybody feel the same way as I do that watching this TV commercial is like suddenly getting an unsolicited dick shot in email when you want to sit on the couch, enjoy a bowl of noodles and watch some TV randomly? No channel should be allowed to broadcast this commercial except adult channels.

How old is too old to wear hot shorts? Grad school, hot shorts, platform sandals, short hair... I'm having a mid-life crisis.

The original plan for me to go to grad school is that now Average Joe has kept his job fine to pay bills. Because unlike I, he is crazy. His genes are not suitable for procreational purpose. As a result, I would be having a job I hated all my life if I had kept working. I would be having too much free time in my hand if I had quit. The solution? Having me fulfill my dream of reading hundreds of books a year, researching and being smarty pants in school.

The problem is now that things get so very hard in grad school. Well, not all grad school. I'm not talking about an MBA or a law degree which almost any human-being with reasonable ability to process information can do fine. I'm talking about other intellectual subjects. I'm in an exhausted field in terms of admission and job opportunities. You just do not get in and get a job unless you are one of the most competitive people in the country. I did not choose this field. I just don't know how to do other majors. This is the only field I have known how to do and done well since high school. It's so hard. It's as hard as I feel like I'm going crazy almost everyday when dealing with the materials surrounding me.

Nobody outside of work understands what the fuck I'm talking about anymore. Not my boyfriend. Not my shrink. I am abandoned.

I just want to watch a cheesy melodrama and cry because I cannot self-induce a good meltdown right now. This is like constipation, but not with shit.

My Significant Other has a 17-year-old nephew. Every time we see her and her boyfriend, we, the uncool grad student and creative in the family, automatically become the outlaws at the dinner table.

see more Funny Graphs

Doesn't this persecution of the inconsumable, characterizing the immature, stems from the anti-intellectual culture we live in America nowadays? I am only explaining here because as much as half of the nation does not see the relevance from Palin, most parents see that from their kids. There are just cases of the human species which do not overcome the blindness when they are fifteen. The catastrophe is that they then live with such lack of (in)sight through their lives without knowing.

Great tool! "Writerly text", "structure of feeling", anything that doesn't make much sense, hah!

I normally ignore chain email but this one looks valid:

----- Forwarded Message ----

Subject: L.A. County Sheriff's Alert, Serious & Important!
Thursday morning, I saw an infant car seat on the side of the road with a blanket draped over it. I did not stop, even though I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head. But when I got to my destination, I called the PD and they were going to check it out.
"Several things to be aware of ... gangs and thieves, are now plotting different ways to get a person to "stop" their vehicle.
"There is a gang initiation reported by the local police department that gangs are placing a car seat by the road...with a fake baby in it...waiting for a woman, of course, to stop and check on the baby.
Note that the location of this car seat will usually be beside a wooded or grassy (field) area ...and the person - woman - will be dragged into the woods- beaten and raped- usually left for dead. DO NOT STOP. DIAL 9-1-1 AND REPORT WHAT YOU SAW!!!

"IF YOU ARE DRIVING AT NIGHT AND EGGS ARE THROWN AT OUR WINDSHIELD. DO NOT TURN ON YOUR WIPERS AND DO NOT SPRAY ANY WATER ON IT BECAUSE EGGS MIXED WITH WATER BECOMES MILKY AND YOU'LL NOT BE ABLE TO SEE!!!! YOU ARE THEN FORCED TO STOP BESIDE THE ROAD AND BECOME A VICTIM OF THIEVES. THIS IS A NEW TECHNIQUE USED BY GANGS. PLEASE INFORM YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES. THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES AND THESE UNSAVORY INDIVIDUALS WILL TAKE DESPERATE MEASURES TO GET WHAT THEY WANT."
Please talk to your loved ones about this. This is a new tactic used and I would hate for anyone to fall victim to this kind of crime.
Please BE SAFE AND NEVER STOP YOUR VEHICLE
DEPUTY PROBATION OFFICER II, TOYA WOODS
3221 TORRANCE BLVD.
TORRANCE , CA 90503
310-222-2661 DESK 310-222-2672 OFFICE
toya.woods@probation.lacounty.gov

Ironic, huh?

"I'm going to be a college professor." LOL...