Baby, I love you, so much...

Hello the world,

Are you trying to kill me by killing her? Lil Biatch has just weighed 6 pounds, had a stroke and caught a pneumonia. A stroke? Are you serious?!  She's only a child. How can you give an innocent child a stroke?! A chick from Downtown after a German-Hong-Kong-Chinese-American Mini-schnauzer, huh? You are so cruel.

Sincerely yours,
Downtown Chick

P.S. Does anybody know what has happened to Walter (Scribeskidrow)? He stopped blogging in 2010. We used to encourage each other, and I used to run into his friend, who told me he thought of me as somebody, um, maybe "worthwhile?"
I hope he is doing well outside of the Row if he left all behind because he found a good life outside.

Can you believe in this banner, Amazon is basically saying that it is more worthwhile to spend money on a date than on a textbook? While a guy might be a complete airhead that I can't expect, usually, I can predict the usability of a book quite accurately. So I say save the money for books.

This is not an advertisement.

Hey everybody, if you still haven't figured this out yet, lemma tell ya, I'm single and dating guys is still the number one topic of this blog. Yeah, I usually disdain women that always talk like "my boyfriend this" "my boyfriend that" all day long or cut their wrists in the bath tub when their guys dump them but deep in my heart I like talking about dating guys. That's just how I am. I'm a two-faced bitch. So tonight I want to talk about neurotic Jewish guys.
Why am I attracted to neurotic Jewish guys? Well, let's see what I've gotten in the first place. I'm in Southern California. We all have dated our very unique local products. What are they? No, not cabernet sauvignon from Napa Valley, not our Terminator Governor and certainly not Katie Morgan, your horn dog, but our laid-back stoners from all over Los Angeles. I know you know what I mean. Stoners are easy-going, open-minded, accepting fans of vegans, ecstasy users, whales in the Pacific Ocean, solar panels, gays and even the Dalai Lama. The Californian stoners have so much love to give. They are full of love. They are surrounded by love. They wanted to give the State 2 billions in tax to help the budget crisis if we can legalize selling marijuana. So as a single woman, I have a big pool of tolerant, diverse and liberal pod-smokers to choose here. Sounds good on the outside huh? Wait, hold on a second, what if I'm a slacker myself? Like if I'd always leave dirty dishes in the sink, chicken dump sticks in the oven and forget to feed the dog, what kind of a guy is good for me?

What? She's not even Chinese? Who cares? We all look the same anyway.

An OCD guy! A guy that checks the sink, the oven, the dog, the toilet, the fridge, the shower, the laptop, the fucking everything a hundred times a day! That way, I'll never forget, or never dare forget, anything. How? Well, let's imagine the scenario: if your guy came home from work and found a tray of baked chicken drum sticks in the toaster oven while you are not home, what do you think it's gonna happen? No, not only he's gonna ask you what time you baked them, and no, not only he's gonna nag you left rotten food in the oven even if the chicken was already salted and greased that Northern Chinese people some decades ago lived on, he's actually gonna make a fucking big deal out of it that you just wish there's a hole on the other side of the toilet so you can just swim through your pee and crap and hang there for the night. It's a great idea not to forget things, isn't it?
Hm? Aw, what? Somebody has already used this pee and poop skinny dipping idea? When? Oh Transpotting? How'd you know that's my favorite movie? Oh I get it, you're just trying to get me admit I'm a drug addict. Aw, no, I'm not a friend of drugs at all. You know why? Because I'm Chinese. Anything luxurious Chinese people consume has to be ostentatious as well. Tshirt with Prada or Agnes B across in the front? Love it. Polo or crocodile on the chest? Lovely. Mercedes-Benz or Bimmer? Must-have. But anything expensive while they can't brag about to their cousins during Lunar New Year, like pure oxygen, a relationship with an ordinary woman who doesn't look like Zhang Ziyi in any way or recreational drugs? That's considered futile and wasteful in Chinese culture. We just don't spend money on things others can't see. Hope you understand.
See, I don't know if you've thought of it, but I think a Chinese woman and a Jewish guy make the best couple. Why? Because honestly, I think these two ethnicities' ancestors were roommates during college. The part that controls the thoughts of emotions and money of the human brain on these two ethnicities shows the exact same growth, just like all dogs can guard, but terriers can nip, kill and eat the entire head of a lovely kitten's or a human baby's much better than other breeds. You know what I mean?
Why is that? Well, it's in their blood.

It must be a traumatic death. I feel so sorry for this woman. Report a crime: Anybody may submit an anonymous tip anytime, anywhere, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, by phone 800-222-TIPS (800-222-8477)

Blue Line Train, Vehicle Collide Downtown; 4 Injured « CBS Los Angeles

If you love the movie The Way We Were, you should join me to hate at least the character Carrie Bradshaw, if not also Sex and the City, the screenwriter and HBO. The often discussed reference of The Way We Were in Sex and the City happens when Carrie thinks her dream guy Mr Big dumps her and marries a stupid fashion model because she is a complicated woman, just like Hubbell dumps Katie and marries an airhead in The Way We Were. This really pisses me off because this is the biggest bourgeois joke one can possibly make of a socially considered unattractive Marxist Jewish woman waiting table and working in a radio station for different causes she believes in.

Seriously, are you kidding me? This 1990s shallow, gold-digging Jewish-American princess Carrie who buys $400-a-pair-of shoes has the nerve to compare herself with Katie, a 1940s idealistic Jewish communist activist when a jock dumps her?! This gotta be a joke. It is the biggest insult against all grassroot minority female intellectuals who sacrifice a comfortable lifestyle for their beliefs, including your favorite blogger Downtown Chick. When these airheaded city sluts are sipping their $20 cosmopolitan cocktail and having $70 dinner in New York, idealizing their hardship with men as ours, do they have the slightest thought how we get by with $90 for all groceries a month? That's their one night's expense, before tips. If you can't be poor, just don't claim our poor women's romance hardship, because you can never feel as bad with lack of both money and men if you have money, bitch.

In the past few years, I have been involved with, not exactly a proper paranoid neurotic Jewish guy, but a man who is genetically and culturally equivalent. Think Larry David and Woody Allen. I obviously have not mastered him as an object of study. However, it is time to at least start composing a list of the characteristics of his species, in order to better understand this special mutation of human beings:

1. They have to watch a movie in a theater exactly from the start to the end. In fact, they arrive the theater half an hour before the movie starts—with me. If we are not early enough, they freak out. In the past, I just also freaked out when my guy freaked out. Now, after four years of dating him, I just take Lexapro and feel fine.
2. They know the difference between an em dash and an en dash. Very helpful.
3. They despise and ridicule intellectuals, such as a professor who teaches a course called "TV, Media and Culture" in UCLA, even if sometimes, they happen to be one of them. 
4. They ignore what I say in a conversation and respond by talking about a completely irrelevant yet an obsessed topic of their own, such as a strange sound or smell in the bedroom that does not really exist in reality but only in their imagination.
5. They wear eyeglasses.
6. They have slightly off family members. "Slightly off," here, is my very nice way to put it.
7. 

   They have a rigid—sometimes uninformed—opinion about medical care, medication, therapy, supplements, diet and hygiene. In their dreams, they imagine germs and viruses have scary faces and hairy legs which attack humans and look like Shrek.
8. They don't like trying unfamiliar foods. When you force them to, they ask what the food is made of, where the ingredients are brought from, how long the ingredients have sat on the kitchen counter after being taken out from the freezer, what cleanliness grade the restaurant gets, etc. This is why Antacid is your friend when you dine with them.
9. They are so talented and funny-as-hell that they make me want to go to bed with them. This is usually the only way they can trick attractive women to go out with them at the beginning of a relationship, unless they are also one of the ridiculously rich Jews.
10. They have serious hypochondria.
11. They check on and question any unusual minor everyday objects you own, such as an African black facial soap, a syringe (with no needle) or a pack of antique Japanese cigarettes (for decoration) in your bathroom.
12. They bring a thermometer with them everywhere and take their temperature all the time. When they think they are sick, this habit gets accelerated to every five minutes. Their favorite electronic gadgets are thermometers, alarm timepieces and well designed umbrellas.
13. They enjoy helping small, weak and poor things, like an orphan from Cambodia, a sick old dog or something. Certainly, they are not evil. However, they can be pricks or completely insensitive to others' feelings sometimes. That is not their true nature but more of their fucked-up upbringing. You can't do anything about this. Unfortunately, it is an accident of human emotional development during the modern age of catastrophe and trauma.
14. They conform to the traditional gender role model and enjoy a relationship the most when the woman is inferior to them. If you are a hot, strong and independent girlfriend, dumb it down a little bit from time to time. They don't see women of the same or more intelligence as their ideal mates. Close the lid of a jar of spaghetti sauce as tightly as you can, then helplessly beg him to open it for you. Ask him how much interest you pay if you have a 3% APR auto loan and pay $475 a month. Nevertheless, make sure you do the latter only if your boyfriend can count. If he happens to fail in math, do the former.
15. People either love them as genii or hate them as freaks or scumbags. There are seldom "neutral" situations.

Looks like this is a good start. I should do more research on them.

You know what? I, an aspiring academic, read a lot of celebrity gossip in my summer break as a vacation for my brain. I wanna be dumb. Really. It feels awesome to read this absurd story about breaking the law by looking like Kim Kardashian. The capatalists of this post-modern age are wackos.

I don't know about you. I just feel this is downright bizarre:

'There are downsides to looking this pretty': Why women hate me for being beautiful

I love mental cases like her. It makes me feel very normal when I read stories like this. Very hopeful. There're always people crazier than I.