Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Downtown and insanity

Well, to reveal the intersection of downtown and insanity in me, let me tell you, actually I used to be in my right mind. I had a downtown love before. He’s very handsome and he ate grass - not marijuana, cuz if so, I’d say “smoked grass”, not “ate grass” - I met him in Famina; he loved Famima. For some reason, I was just so turned on by healthy guys that ate grass (again, it’s “eat”, not “smoke”, I don’t date podheads). I was so in love with the health freak eating grass in a hybrid car when I was sane. Then one day, he was no longer into me, so I started looking for tall buildings to live in just in case one night I feel like looking down from my window on the 11th floor and jump out… I thought about how to avoid being scared when I fly out… I think if I close my eyes, hold my knees and just roll down off the window, I won’t see the scary flashing of life on the way to the ground and my pain will stop in a few seconds. So I moved into this building more for that purpose than co-incidentally I could see Grass-eater’s building right through these big windows here as well… Well, yeah, of course, if I don’t stalk, how can I call myself dysfunctional? Just like any other psycho chicks in L.A., of course I’m creepy.

But this old building actually has all the interesting and good people. Bella, my melancholic neighbor on wheelchair, always sits right in front of my door scaring the shit out of me when I’m about to spy on my old love with binoculars in hand. She likes looking out from the big windows in the hallway too. I had some girly talk with Bella about which side of the floor had a cleaner trash room. I wanted to ask her about her stalkee too. You know, every crazy downtown woman has a stalkee in her heart. One life one stalkee. I thought about that and it seems too personal to discuss with a neighbor so I refrained myself. You might be surprised, crazy women can fry an egg and be sensitive to others’ feelings too.

My security guard Eddy likes calling me “beautiful face”. What he means is I don’t have a brain. Typical male observation. Whenever I wear short skirts or shorts and carry a laptop to Lost Souls for some writing sessions after work in a peaceful evening, there’ll be some good-looking guys smiling at me with shining eyes. They are usually the artistic type. Artists, photographers, designers, etc. I don’t know what they want. Mom said when guys smile at me, I should look away because if I don’t, they will ask if they can buy me drinks, fuck me then hurt me like Grass-eater. Even Eddy, the 70-years-old security guard with only a few teeth left after his three heart surgeries, who is not in the art industry but rather in security, offered me a soda today when he asked me why the sad face. How did mom know so much about men? I have no idea what men’re thinking at all…


Anonymous said...

crazy woman…like that isn’t cliche in LA ;)
ya know every woman has her limits…it appears you haven’t reached yours with the ex :)…”hell hath no no fury like a woman scorned by a grass eatin’ healthy type”…yeah …healthy people are over rated anyways hehey…listen to your mum…where’s my teeth at…dang it.

. said...

You’re right, no, I have not reached mine with that guy with some ass fucking and knocking me down when he’s eating grass… I was hoping ass fucking is overrated, not eating grass… Um, shall we get some $6 burgers down the block neighbor?

Anonymous said...

“… I won’t see the scary flashing of life on the way to the ground….”

“I fear death only because of my life flashing before my eyes.”
-Duncan o’Brien, drunken 20th century poet philosopher

. said...

I think I read the moment before death was one of the most critical to decide the direction to which how our consciousness would head. If you’re surrounded by people weeping and crying, you will develop attachment, then you will likely take a rebirth attached to them.

So in that sense, if I open my eyes and see flashes of things past, e.g., the love past, I will be haunted forever.

So okay, yeah, except binoculars, I need an eye mask as well.