Monday, December 10, 2007

$391.56 mortgage

See? Once again, I prove myself a genius. I suddenly thought of a way to pay the same or even less of our rent in Downtown to afford a 3-bedroom house!

Guess how much does this house cost? Lot size: 8712 ft. Built In: 1881. Bedrooms: 3. Bathrooms: 1. 1.5 story home. Living room (13.4x20), dining room (13x7), kitchen (10x11.3), office (10x10), master bedroom (13.1x13.5), bedroom 2 (11.9x13.8), bedroom 3 (14.3x13.2), 1 car garage. Newer roof and central air, vinyl siding, corner lot, fenced back yard, deck.

$39,900.00!

No, not $399,000.00. $39,900.00 still with room to bargain. Not kidding. If you pay it over 25 years, you pay $391.56 a month. I think one can't even get a room in any of the small hotels on skid row for that price. It's in Grand Island.

Where's Grand Island? No, it's not in the Philippines you idiot. Nebraska dude!

I've actually been in Grand Island numerous times. I went to the riverboat casino in Iowa, Kansas City many times, Missouri, Illinois... The only place I will beat Grand Island with in the Midwest is probably Chicago but I still should move to Grand Island because for only $391.56 a month, I get my own house. There're Walmart, Walgreens, Burger King, Johnny Cash and MidWestern guys going to church...

When the men talk, they say a lot of "Oh boy..."'s, like they're 60 years old ... like Grass-eater did... and they tell you they're going to "the boy's room" before the movie starts... I have a co-worker in his 50s who talks like that. If I had a penis, in the two weeks that co-worker and I shared a table together for a work project, it stayed erect for 8 hours a day I swear. Come on, you gotta excuse my nose for bleeding over that kind of all-American old-fashioned white boys if I get that Asian fetish crap in the city everyday too. I just fall into a coma when the guy is shy and asks, "maybe I can see you soon?"

Argh, no. Won't find another MidWestern guy like my love. Or indeed another guy.

22 comments:

frank said...

But what would happen to your monicker?

It seems like a stand up place, but is it worth being called Grand Island Chick?

Hm, that's not a bad name, actually.

Downtown Chick said...

What?! "Grand Island Chick"?!

Oh boy...

frank said...

Yeah, because, you know: Grand!

And islands are nice.

Bob Pielke said...

Gol-ly, maybe [shuffling feet] I can, uh, see you sometime...?

;-)

Downtown Chick said...

Frank... The thing is, it's not an island... There're no islands there... It's all flat with some establishments here and there, cows and corn. Strange huh? Why is it called an Island? No idea...

Bob you wanna meet me in Nebraska?!

Bob Pielke said...

Sure....!

Actually, I've been there -- "back in the day" I camped across the country a couple of times. Stopped one time at North Platte...and there are a couple of islands in the Platte -- toward the east.

So, I'll have the tent pitched and a fire goin' when you get there.

Downtown Chick said...

Oh that's really close! Or we can have burritos in Lincoln.

I know you're not gonna believe me but I've had fantastic Mexican food in Nebraska. That should be a realistic happening despite of my consumption of canned fruits and 150% cooked Omaha steaks for days after days. It was an oasis indeed.

frank said...

Then you'll just have to be Grand Chick. It's a bit of a downgrade, I know, because everyone enjoys islands, real or pretend.

Downtown Chick said...

Okay Frank, I can't take that demotion. I'm staying in Downtown with no mortgage then.
;-P

frank said...

Look at it this way, your monicker allows you culture! And not the acidophilus kind--real culture.

Downtown Chick said...

Um Frank, it's hard to control it sometimes. Girls get yeast when we haven't slept for days.
;-P

frank said...

But--but, I was only talking about yogurt!

Downtown Chick said...

Why is your jaw shaking Frank?
;-P

frank said...

Because one time in high school, the girl I was dating told her mom she had a yeast infection and the mom asked her, "why do you have a yeast infection around your mouth?"

Downtown Chick said...

And the mom told you this story or the yeast girl?

I mean, the yogurt girl?
;-D

frank said...

It was yogurt girl. God, I hope it was yogurt. Yogurt is infinitely more interesting.

Downtown Chick said...

You know actually they are related. When she has yeast, it helps if she eats no sugar and lots of yogurt.

I have been eating Yoplait Light very cherry for weeks because I spent all my money on my dog...

frank said...

Poor doggy =(

My cat was recently put down. It's hard having compassion for animals.

Downtown Chick said...

Your cat was sick? How old? What for?

frank said...

He was elevenish. One day he had a convulsion and he seized for a good 30 seconds and then rammed into walls, chairs, etc. This would happen half a dozen times a day and then he went blind, from either running his head into things or from whatever was causing him to convulse. My parents took him to the vet, they gave him medicine and it helped for a bit. He seized again a week later and didn't snap out of it. He stayed a twisted, shaking mess, unable to stand and was put down.

Downtown Chick said...

But what was the cause the vet said? That sounds terrible. It must be hard for you guys. So sorry Frank. I know how it is. At least he's lucky you guys took care of him...

frank said...

Vets had no idea but they thought it may have been a tumor or a parasite.

He was a good cat and lived a good life. Purred a lot =)

I hope your doggy gets better and happier. I'm sure he will with someone as compassionate as you watching him.