Monday, January 21, 2008

An Open Letter to the Creepy Guys in Borders Pasadena

Okay bookworms, lemme make this straight:
  1. No, I don't come here often. What the hell do you think this place is? Like a friggin' 76?! It's a bookstore! Of course I come here just as often as a normal human being does. Will you please leave me alone?
  2. No, I'm not a student. I don't rob bookstores. I don't pick pockets in bookstores. Okay better yet: I'm the President of the United States. I gotta go for a conference call with Saudi right now. You got it? I'm sick in my head. That's all you need to know so now, go.
  3. No, I don't live in Pasadena. Pasadena has way too many creepy guys. Can't stand it.
  4. I don't know how my damn book is. If I had known how it is, I won't be standing on my damn feet here flipping it, would I? I'm trying to know how this book is so please leave me alone. Again, this's the bookstore, not the Church.
  5. God I hate people asking if I'm an actress. You're really a pig.
  6. HOW on earth do you know the book in my hand is a good book if you have not read it?! Jesus Christ!
  7. What?! You wanna know what MY book is about?! Okay here, it's yours. Get lost.
  8. Fine, I'm leaving. Goodbye creeps.

I think a swing club offers more celibacy than Borders.


Unknown said...

Yeah...this happens to me all the time, too....

[tongue inserted firmly between bicuspids]

. said...

Yeah I know. They're just out of control.

Joe Cornish said...

Some women at the gym who don't want to be bothered wear black, oversized headphones that cover their entire ears.

Whether or not they have any sound on, they absolutely don't respond to anything said to them.
They're just too into the music, you see.

Maybe you could try that--and oversized mirrored sun glasses.


. said...

OMG Joe you're a genius!

Honestly if they can even do that to me, why can't I wear oversized mirrored sunglasses in Borders?!

Unknown said...

…some spinach caught ostentatiously in your teeth would help...

. said...

bob, spinach takes more work than shades. i can't a bag of spinach with me 24/7...