Monday, October 13, 2008

Downtown mid-residential-life crisis

Today is October 06, 2008. If I die at this moment, which day will I have completely disappeared in this world? Does anybody here know how long it takes to decompose a medium built Asian woman's body?

The answer is it depends. It differs from under the earth to let's say, on the death bed in one of the units in my building. The amount of oxygen, temperature, extent to attract bugs, everything else affect the speed of my corpse's and my dog's body decay.

Wait a minute, did I lose my job? No. I'm still fine even though the sky is falling outside. Did I break up with Joe? Neither. We're still together last time I checked. I even managed to be able to speak some French now, keep my dog alive and buy a new car and get some shows / writing done which were quite fun to do. It seems like I have gradually fit in as one of those Downtown's working hybrid car drivers walking around with a damn pure breed dog. I did not lose any of my 401K in the stock market at all either. Theoretically I should be quite happy at this point.

But for some reason, it feels like it's a bit rotten inside of me these days.

As you all know, I came to Downtown to find Grass-eater in the first place. Yeah, the jerk that bamboozled me. What I had not told you about him is, one day, I saw him in front of the Banquet while I was with my new boyfriend.

That was a surprise. After more than half a year, I saw him pass by with a super old woman when I was having breakfast there. The mysterious fiancee that I had never seen, the woman that I wondered how she was 1,000 times, was right in front of me!

You know who she was like? She was wearing a multi-colored windbreaker with the hoodie on, heavy fleece scaves tied around her neck, track pants, tennis shoes, sun glasses, i.e., I could not see too much of her skin. The only thing I saw very clearly was her face. She was wrinkled, not just at the end of the eyes as most women start having in their 30s, but all over her cheeks, and cannot be associated with the word attractive by any means, at least at that point. Thank you! That ending of the story kind of sucks, doesn't it?! What? Just an old woman? At least give me some really surprising ending, like that was an Indian princess, or a movie star, or whatever, right? Just an old woman and that's it?! WTF?!

And what was Grass-eater like? Well, if he had not done anything for me, he had done one thing: always got his hair cut when he saw me. In half a year, he had turned to a mini King Kong! I don't think he gained much weight but since the curly longer uncut, unstyled hair together with his beard were all over, he looked very large and wild. I could hardly recognize him. Of course, I still recognized him but the thrill and love feeling that used to come along with every vision of him were totally gone. He was just a big and untrimmed stranger. Isn't it weird? Finally, I could not care less about whom I had only cared about before.

He saw me and gave me a hateful look. I had no idea why he would look at me like that but that didn't really matter. My purpose to come to this area was fullfilled. I had forgotten about that man finally. I don't pass by his building anymore or when I do, I don't look at his window anymore. He is over.

So why am I here again? I can't remember. Oh yeah, to drive my damn hybrid car, walk my damn pure breed dog. Just like what they say, "all the things Downtown can offer you". "All the things, " right?


Unknown said...

The word "anomie" comes to mind, as I sit here in my writer's garret with a glass of Woodbridge Pinot Noir Vin de Pays d'Oc 750ml 2006.

Well, actually, it's not literally a garret -- it's more like a den/office with a window looking out on my Japanese-gardened yard with pool and gazebo enclosed spa [where I nudify and soak myself for solice between reading rejection slips].

Well, actually, I'm getting some pretty positive comments from a few agents. So my nude time in the spa is usually spent [never mind the passive voice] fantasizing about those succombing to "anomie."

. said...

I think you are the only person in the world that fantasizes anomie addicts when nude. What a strange thing to do... when nude!